Waiting...

It's almost 5 in the morning on my day off... I should be sleeping, but I can't seem to fall back asleep. :( This happens a lot nowadays- my bladder wakes me up multiple times during the night and at some point (usually if it's after 4am), my mind just won't let me fall back to sleep.  I guess insomnia is a common challenge in pregnancy.  I try to at least be semi-productive.  Most of the time I read, do research on the internet, eat, etc.  And sometimes a nice bubble bath with a few pieces of leftover pizza at 5 in the morning is just too irresistible.

But sometimes I just lay in bed worrying about the peanuts.  There are just so many unknowns about how the future is going to look for us as a family, and I just can't help but get worked up about it when I'm overtired and unable to sleep at 5 in the morning.  Once again, I'm going to blame my hormones for this!  One thing that helps calm me down is listening to Jason snoring- he sleeps so peacefully and it helps me to just focus on taking deep breaths, one at a time.

People keep telling me that of the people they know, I seem like the person that they feel can handle having multiples.  It always makes me pause a moment when I hear this.  On the one hand, apparently they are sensing my already thin grip with sensible reality and feel like I'll just be able to fit right in to the illogical craziness that three infants/toddlers/kids will bring- if you're already crazy, bring on some more crazy!  :)

But for most people, they verbalize that I'm up for the challenge.  As if somehow I'm capable of handling the responsibility with grace and some sense of composure.  They tell me that God never gives you more than you can handle.  And there are times where I actually believe them.  A majority of the time, I feel like I will be able to handle it.

But there are times where it literally paralyzes me, terrifies me... and brings me to tears to think about how much work this is going to take.  I worry that I'm not eating the right things, I worry about still working at my job and the effect on the babies, I worry about going on bed rest too soon.  I worry about what health problems these munchkins could have, and I worry about what I'm going to do when I'm so exhausted I can't distinguish day from night and I have three little babes that need me to be fully functional.  I worry that I won't be able to feed them properly.  I worry that something bad is going to happen.

I blame hormones for this.  And I blame reality.  I blame my stupid ovaries for giving us triplets.  I blame Jason for marrying me in the first place and thinking that I could be a suitable mother.  I blame God for having WAY too much unfounded faith in me.

Mostly I blame hormones.

Hormones are causing me to be a little more moody lately (please say a prayer for Jason- he gets to deal with the brunt of it).  Hormones are causing my gums to bleed and my pelvis to start loosening up (I can no longer stand up from a chair without taking a quick pause to let my hips "settle" before walking).  Hormones are causing me to deal with the joys of having a slowed down gastrointestinal system.  And hormones are causing me to be an emotional basket case at five in the morning.

I'm sorry that this isn't a more uplifting blog entry.  I'll be just fine again in a little bit- I promise!  But right now I'm just feeling the need to be honest in documenting both the exciting things (like my usual blog entries) and the maybe not-so-exciting-but-very-honest aspects (i.e. this blog entry) of triplets.

Maybe a picture of Jason will cheer us up since I can hear him snoring in the other room...  :)

Seriously- how cute is this man cuddling

on the couch with our puppy Hana?  I snapped

this picture after he'd folded laundry and made

us dinner...

I totally lucked out in the husband department.