I'm nervous. I'm actually super nervous. It's been six and a half months since I was clocking in as a full time nurse at the hospital, and as pretty much everyone knows by now, my life's just a little bit different these days. I'm just a little bit different these days. I'm sure my job's going to be more than a little bit different these days.
I'm excited to tackle this new challenge of being a "working momma". It's been one thing to be a full time momma over the past four months, and our little family definitely needed me to be that. But now I'm going to be working full time as a nurse too... so bring it on. Bring on the stress, bring on the exhaustion, but that's not all...
Bring on the excitement, bring on the challenge, bring on a partial return to my previous life...
And even though I'm going back to my previous nursing job, I won't be the same as I was before. I've been a patient myself in the interim, and I've learned so much about what it means to care for someone else who can't care for himself...
I've missed my coworkers so much...
But I'm going to miss my boys so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today was an amazing climax to my maternity leave and days of full time motherhood. The boys and I got to spend the whole day together, and I think they sensed that I just needed them to be happy little boys and keep Momma's spirits up. They were smiling like crazy, giggling all over the place for me, and couldn't get enough cuddles. I didn't spend the entire day crying, but my eyes did brim over with tears randomly throughout the day. It's a weird sensation to feel like crying and yet be laughing with joy. I know this will get easier with time (after all, it's not like the boys are going to let me go to college with them), so I just need to take deep breaths (and carry my phone with its 1,000+ pictures and videos of the boys!).
And now a little note to my boys...
Hello my pumpkins! Momma's so sorry that she can't be there to sing our "good morning" song with you. I'm sorry I'm going to miss your morning bottle, your morning smiles, and your afternoon playtime. I'm sorry that it won't be me rocking you to sleep for a nap today. I'm sorry that I won't be there to pull your favorite rattle out of the toy bin for you.
But I'm so thankful that you'll be loved and cuddled throughout the day by someone Daddy and Momma trust. I'm so grateful for the last four months and I'll treasure them always. I'm so thankful that I'm going to get to show you someday what it means to (hopefully) balance your home life and your work life. I'm so grateful that when your Momma isn't with you, she's got a place to go to where she can help others.
So be good today, my sweet loves. Your momma loves you so much and she can't wait to come home and read your bedtime stories with you.
Kisses, snuggles, and love to the three most beautiful little babes from your Momma...
Holding the boys in my lap before bath time tonight
(Sidney, Jenson, Elliott)
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