Jason and I got to walk down the hall (holding hands) to the operating room (OR) together. So surreal... so very surreal, but I guess that was one of the key words for the day. Unfortunately, they don't let your support people in the OR with you until after your spinal anesthesia has been administered. I would have preferred to have Jason in the room with me for that part, but I wasn't going to argue with the system on this point.
Jason and Jen had to sit on chairs outside the OR while I continued on into the room with my nurse. My first thought when I walked into that room? "Who the heck are all of these people??" There seemed to be about a million people in there, although there were probably only a handful at that point. The operating table looked so stinking tiny- I was pretty sure that my tummy and I were not both going to fit on it. Surprisingly, I climbed up on it and it held me! The anesthesia resident (who had almost made a mistake earlier with my IV) was there and ready to get my spinal anesthesia going. Perhaps I should have been more nervous at that point- needle about to go into a place where it normally doesn't!- but I was actually pretty calm. And wouldn't you know it... she got it in and started faster (and on her first try) than I would have ever thought possible. The girl had skills! Shortly thereafter a few people helped get me into the correct position on my back for the surgery. I was still sure that I was going to fall off of the table because it was so small, but they all reassured me that they wouldn't let me!
At that point, things kind of seem to run together... I began to feel totally separated from the bottom two thirds of my body. The spinal anesthesia was definitely taking effect. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect to feel, but that was not it. All I could think about was that I just wanted to scratch my feet together, but I knew in my brain that I wouldn't be able to. It actually felt a little like when your foot falls asleep and then slowly starts to come back with feeling- you feel the tingling before you can actually move anything.
Everyone in the room seemed to have multiple jobs to do, and while they were very good about telling me what they were doing, it was strange to see so much activity buzzing around me and yet not be doing anything myself. One of the of the weirdest things that happened during this prep time was the taping of my tummy. Because my tummy was so large, they actually used some kind of tape (if you ask me, it had to have been pretty heavy duty if they were using it for this purpose!) to pull the weight of my tummy up towards my chest and secure it prior to the actual incision was made. And how do they do that? Picture a BIG "X" of tape running from my hips to over my shoulders that also secured me to the table. It's hard to not feel like a side of beef when they do that part! :)
Once Jason and Jen came in, I felt much better. The anesthesiologist (who was supervising the resident) we had was absolutely wonderful. She explained to all of us what was going on as it was happening as well as what was going to be happening. I think her presence really contributed to keeping both Jason and me calm and collected. I really appreciated her injecting humor into the situation too- never hurts to have a laugh!
Even though I knew things were happening around me and people were talking, I couldn't really follow what was going on or see what was going on for a few reasons:
1. I was flat on my back with my arms secured at my side- not exactly the ideal position for looking around
2. They hung a sheet that obscured our vision of anything below my chest.
I remember asking the anesthesiologist if they had cut into my belly yet. I'll never forget her playful response. "Oh honey... we rent this room by the hour! They've already started!" This was music to my ears for one very important reason- I hadn't felt the cut.
Allow me to explain why this was a big deal for me. Throughout the pregnancy, I learned that I actually have a pretty high tolerance for pain, so I wasn't really worried about feeling the pain of the cut. But I worried that I would have the same experience that my mom did decades ago when she delivered my siblings and me via Caesarean section. With all three of us kids, she wanted to be awake for the delivery- receiving spinal anesthesia without having to be "put under" using general anesthesia. Because of her unique anatomy (she has a spinal cord that splits into two spinal cord sections with functioning nerves coming off of both sections), the spinal anesthesia never worked for her- she'd feel the doctor making the incision and would have to be put to sleep for the rest of the delivery. I didn't tell anyone this, but I was so worried that I'd experience the same thing, and I was petrified of not getting to be awake for the birth of our munchkins. Thank God for answering my prayers in regards to this irrational fear of mine.
At that point, we were just waiting. Waiting to hear the doctor tell us something, waiting to hear a baby's cry... just waiting. It sounds so cliche, but all of the activity and sound in the room seemed to fall away as I waited to hear the cries of my first child.
And then it happened.
I'm pretty sure I'll never be able to think of that moment for the rest of my life without tears coming to my eyes...
Baby A entered our lives with his sweet but strong cry at 12:42 pm. I'm pretty sure my heart stopped. Jenson Joseph Deen, our firstborn. He was beautifully perfect, and I fell in love from the moment I saw this beautiful little being.
Baby B, our perfect middle child, arrived at 12:43 pm. I know my heart stopped again. Elliott Jackson Deen, crying the most beautiful music ever.
Baby C, our youngest little peanut, arrived at 12:44 pm. I wasn't sure if my heart would ever start beating again. Sidney Miller Deen, our sweet little man.
Life will never ever be the same.
And here's where I can tell you that I got my second selfish wish- all of them came out with hair on their heads! It's such a goofy thing to think of, but I kind of wanted them to come out with some hair. :) Laugh if you must.
Their Apgar scores were blessedly high- eights and nines for all of them. I think Jenson's and Elliot's were both 8's at one minute and 9's at five minutes (the highest they can be is a ten, so eights and nines are about as perfect as can be!). Sidney's were both nines!
Everything became a bit of a blur at this point. Each of our boys was whisked out into the hallway at one point or another for assessments and to make sure that their respiratory status was stable. Unfortunately, Elliott and Sidney both needed some extra help with their breathing. They ended up being put on CPAP, which is a noninvasive form of respiratory support, which also meant that they would have to go to the NICU.
I was still strapped to the operating table and they were still finishing up my surgery, so both staff members and Jason and Jen kept bringing me the updates on the boys in the minutes after their delivery. I think everyone thought that I would freak out when I heard about the need for respiratory interventions... but I was grateful. Only CPAP? In my mind, that's practically nothing! All three of our boys came out breathing and looking relatively healthy. At that point, all I could do was thank God for such blessings. There were so many things that could have gone wrong, so many things that could have been wrong with the boys. In the grand scheme of things, their needing some extra help from the nurses and doctors was something to be grateful for in light of what could have been...
As Sidney and Elliott were stabilized by the staff members and readied for their short journey from OR to NICU, they brought them one at a time to my side in the operating room. One of the nurses (I think she was a nurse and was in charge of the other baby nurses, but she might have just been an angel too!) came with each of them and explained to me what was going on with them and what had already been done for them. She was very kind with her words and very gentle with me- if I could have hugged her, I would have! And even with the wires and tubes already attached to the boys, they looked perfectly beautiful to me.
Jason went with Elliott and Sidney to the NICU, and I stayed in the OR. Apparently they frown on you leaving your own surgery while your own tummy is still open from your surgery! Jason and I had talked about this numerous times in the months leading up to the delivery and were prepared for this moment- if any of the boys had to go to the NICU- so we knew what our roles were. I heard later that Jason was wonderful in the NICU with the staff and with the boys in those first few hours after the boys arrived, which came as no surprise to me. For a man that has little medical experience and claims to get grossed out by the sight of blood and anything even slightly medical, he sure has a way of rising to the occasion!
Janelle, my dear friend who is a NICU nurse, went with Jason and the boys to the NICU, which was another thing that we had planned for. I had wanted to make sure that someone was there to help take care of Jason so that he could be there for the boys. Jen, who had been taking video and pictures of the delivery in the OR, stayed with me. I had always thought that I would not want to have a video of my Caesarean section- major gross out factor. But I was wrong- Jen took video of the delivery and it is actually one of the most wonderful reminders of that special day. Our boys' first cries... the first time we ever laid eyes on them... I have yet to watch it without tears springing to my eyes.
Soon enough, my surgery was finished and they were lifting me onto a gurney. My sweet Jenson was placed in my arms, and he and I made the short journey to the recovery room together...
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