Last day of work

I had my last day of work yesterday... totally bittersweet.  On the one hand, I am going to miss my coworkers and my job so much.  They were all so sweet yesterday, giving me hugs and being the supportive group that they've been throughout this pregnancy.

But on the other hand, I am tired.  My body is tired.  I love working with patients and being invited into their worlds for the day, but I had a very telling moment yesterday that this was the right choice to go on maternity leave.

I was in a patient's room hanging an IV antibiotic and the family started asking some questions about his upcoming surgery.  Hanging the antibiotic required me to be standing up and at times having my arms lifted up to actually hang the bag of medicine off of the IV pole.  As I was talking, I realized that I was having to stop talking at times to catch my breath.  The combo of standing and talking was apparently too much for me at that point!  It sounds so stupid, but something finally clicked for me, kind of like an "a-ha moment" for me.  How ridiculous is it that sometimes I can't even stand and talk at the same time?!?!

So I've concluded that I'm definitely physically ready to NOT be on my feet for 12 hours a day at the hospital anymore.  And while I'm still grappling with being mentally and emotionally ready for maternity leave, let's take a look at some pictures that were taken on my last day at the hospital...

Sassy!  How sad is it that I don't even fit into my

maternity scrub shirts anymore?  I had to rock a white

t-shirt and a button-down just to cover my girth!

My belly at 26 1/2 weeks...

Ok fine.  I guess I can see why it might not be the best

idea anymore to be on my feet for 12 hours at a time.

So time to retire the scrubs for now...

Bittersweet...

We had the best day today...

After working two days straight (Thursday and Friday), I was TIRED.  I spent most of Saturday either sleeping or eating.  We're talking multiple naps throughout the day.  Basically my day looked like this:

Step 1:  Nap for 2-3 hours

Step 2:  Go to the bathroom

Step 3:  Eat a meal/snack

Step 4:  Immediately repeat steps 1-3

Whew!  But apparently I needed all of that rest so that I could fully enjoy today!  

I started out my day with a lovely bubble bath and soak in the tub for 90 minutes.  That may seem excessive to some, but it really helps out with some of my pregnancy umcomfortable-ness.  I've been very blessed in that so far I haven't really had too much in the way of pains or aches.  But over the last week or so, it's definitely been a bigger challenge to find resting positions that are comfortable for me and the munchkins.  

They seem to be enjoying a little migration up into my diaphragm, which makes it more difficult for me to catch my breath and can be quite uncomfortable too.  Whenever I want to complain about this fact, I try to remind myself that it's probably better that they're trying to climb into my lungs versus trying to sneak out of my cervix!  

And it's become more of a challenge to find comfortable positions for sleeping at night.  Granted, I only sleep for 2-3 hours at a time (thanks to the combo of the boys resting on my bladder and hormones, I actually haven't had a full night's sleep since March).  But I am finding it harder at night to get into that "sweet spot" where I can drift off to sleep.  I feel so badly sometimes because I don't want my tossing and turning to keep Jason awake.  I now have a body pillow that's helping a lot, but sometimes even that fails to do the trick.

Hence the bubble baths!  They calm me down, relax my body and hips, and take a lot of the pressure off of my tummy.  Our puppy Hana loves to come in to the bathroom when I take my baths, inspect things to make sure I'm okay, and lay right next to the tub for a watchful nap.  I read books in there (don't tell the Sacramento Public Library System about that!), eat snacks, listen to music, etc.  Jason brought me "breakfast in bath" today, which totally hit the spot.  He takes such good care of me! 

After I got out of the tub and got ready, both Jason and I headed off to the hospital where I work for a baby shower thrown by my coworkers!!!!!  It was so sweet to walk in and see blue streamers and posters on the wall.  We ate absolutely delicious food, and I had so much fun just sitting and chatting with my coworkers.  We opened presents, and I am proud to say that I only cried once (which may be a record for me).  

At the baby shower

Everyone was fascinated by the size of my belly

now that I wasn't hiding it (as if that's even possible)

under some maternity scrubs!

And that's the bittersweet part of all of this.  As I've said time and again, I love my coworkers.  I work with some of the most amazing people ever, and they have been so intensely supportive of me throughout this pregnancy.  They've been positive and encouraging and so loving.  One truly couldn't ask for a better group of people to be associated with.  Amazing nurses-  and amazing people.

Tomorrow's my last day of work before going on maternity leave.  I can't believe I just typed that.  It seems surreal that I'm not going to be walking into the hospital at dawn three days a week and chatting with coworkers about whatever our patients have been up to.  It seems surreal that I'm not going to be laughing with them, cracking jokes and sharing stories about what we've been doing on our days off.  It seems surreal that I'm not going to be squawking at patients to take their meds and starting IVs for awhile.  

I think it's harder because I don't have an exact return date.  I don't even know what to tell people other than emphatically letting them know that I DO plan to return to work after the boys are born.  It's all dependent on when they're delivered and what, if any, medical issues they come out with.  And even though this having to "play things by ear" is not a new thing in regards to this pregnancy, I still struggle with it.  Physically I'm ready to be done with work, but mentally I'm not quite there.  I'll just have to keep reminding myself that this is what is absolutely best for the munchkins...

While I was napping after the shower, Jason was a busy little bee.  He was very excited to show me the "surprise" that he'd been working on when I woke up.  It's official- we can fit all three infant seats AND a stroller for triplets in my car at the same time!!!!

Three car seats safely buckled in to my car!

There's our brand new stroller for triplets just

ready to go to the park for a stroll

Ta-dah!!  Thank you Grandpa Ken, Grandma Lois, and Aunt Lara

for our new triplet stroller- it's definitely going to come in handy

for corralling the peanuts! 

I wish you all could have seen how excited Jason was about getting the stroller and car seats set up.  He was like a little kid on Christmas morning pushing that stroller around the driveway!

Questions

It never ceases to amaze me how fascinated people are by this pregnancy.  Jason and I are totally marinating in the whole experience, but I never expected that others would want to be to the extent that they are (except for family- we kind of forced their hand with this!).

And part of the process is all of the questions that get thrown our way, often by total strangers.  Some people are very respectful, and others... well... I'll chalk it up to curiosity getting the best of them.  At least they give me some good laughs!  I'm sure people pregnant with only one baby get a lot of the same questions, but some seem to be unique to being pregnant with multiples.  To give you a taste, here's a list of the most common ones, along with my usual responses (or what I wish I had the courage to respond with)...

"Is this your first pregnancy?"

Yes, yes it is.  First and only!  

"Did you use fertility treatments?"

No, no we did not.  Jason and I had always said that we were planning on having only one child, but we "reserved the right to ask for a second if we didn't mess the first one up too much."  At most, we planned to replace ourselves.  :)

"Do triplets run in your family?"

Nope, not so much.  Jason's family apparently has a lower than average incidence of multiples in their family, and I have one set of cousins that are twins.  Guess we're just lucky!

(at which point most people shake their heads as if "lucky" is the wrong term to use)

"What did you do to get triplets?"

I took my prenatal vitamins, and that was about it.  Watch out for Whole Foods Market brand prenatal vitamins- there might be some special organic ingredient in there that might have done this to us!

(some people have even gone so far as to ask if there is a particular time of day or position that we could recommend to those wanting multiples... I draw the line at providing an answer to that!)

"Do you know what they are?"

Aliens.  Three boys.  All boys.  Our house is going to smell like sweat socks and feet for 18 years.  (usually when people find out they're all boys, they go wide-eyed and start mentally checking me in to a state hospital for the insane)

"Didn't you want any girls?"

It's not like we got to choose!  We were going to be happy with whatever we got.  The only combination that really scared me was three girls- I just pictured what life would look like with three hormonal adolescent girls under one roof.

"Do you know how hard it's going to be?"

Not really, but since it's our first pregnancy, we won't really know any different

(I think at this point they're usually picturing me crying my eyes out in a nursery knee-deep in dirty diapers and three babies/monkeys swinging from chandeliers on the ceiling)

"When are you due?"  (this is the most common one now!)

Although it looks like I'm due yesterday, I'm actually not due for another couple of months.  But when you're carrying triplets, you tend to grow big... fast!

(and this is usually the part where they tell me I look good while they're grimacing a little)

"Are they identical or fraternal?"

Not sure exactly.  Because they are each in their own sac and have their own placenta, they are probably fraternal.  But we won't know for absolutely sure until after they're born and if we choose to do genetic testing on them.

"What does your husband think?"

If anyone's been calm and accepting about our situation, it's been him far more so than me.

(I think some people see the husband as an accessory to a pregnancy and not a vital part of the process.  But Jason and I have tackled this whole journey together as a team, so this question sometimes weirds me out.  I'm sure people are just asking because he's not physically present at the time)

"Can you feel them all kick at the same time?"

Sometimes!  It usually makes me giggle when I feel the kicks in different areas of my tummy at the same time, but sometimes it can actually be a little uncomfortable when they decide to do some major gymnastics moves all at the same time.

"Are you going to get fixed after they come out?"

Most definitely!  We are apparently fertility gold, so we're not going to take our chances

(Snip, snip.  Clip, clip.  Tie, tie.  Whatever will get the job done.  We've done our part to carry on the Deen name, so we'll leave it up to others to populate the world and give our parents granddaughters...)

"Are you going to try to have more?  What if you get more multiples?"

We still have some semblance of mental capacity between the two of us.  So no, we will not be trying for anymore.

"What are you going to name them?"

Still working on that!  We've got to come up with three different sets of names, so it's a little tough.  For now we're just calling them Huey, Dewey, and Louie.

"Are you going to keep them all?"

(not exactly a common one, but more than a handful of times!)

Umm.... what's wrong with you?

Progress...

Only 3 more days of work left!  My bosses have been very kind in working with me to be able to taper off my shifts, so my last official shift will be one week from today.  I'm actually feeling much better about this decision than before.  This past week was one of the hardest at work so far- I'm tired.  I'm in the bathroom every 45-60 minutes (darn bladder) and I'm pretty much forced to just sit and eat at the nursing station when I'm not either in the bathroom or working with my patients.  It's getting harder and harder to get in the calories that the babies need while I'm working, so I feel the pressure of trying to take care of both my patients and my babies at the same time.  Basically I spend my 12 hour shifts doing three things- helping patients, eating, and peeing (in no particular order).  And because I can't help my coworkers as quickly as I am used to and prefer to, I get frustrated and feel like I'm not holding up my share of the work.

But let's face it- I can't bend over like I used to!  If I drop something on the floor at work, I just start laughing because I know it's going to take me ten times longer than normal to pick it up due to my big belly!  The saving grace of this is that it has not failed yet to make even the most stoic, uncomfortable patient laugh at watching me grunt as I bend over to pick up whatever has fallen.  

And talking about the triplets seems to bring a little bit of joy into my patients' days.  I've watched the most bitter, rude, withdrawn patient turn into a curious, smiling child as he asks me questions about what it feels like when the babies kick at the same time.  I'm going to miss sharing my joy with patients who are struggling to find it on their own...

On a much more happier note, my lovely friends gathered together for a baby shower a week ago to celebrate the munchkins!  My dear friend Pat (and the future pediatrician for the boys!) hosted the affair at her house and it was so much fun.  I had the best time watching all of these women who are so important to me meet each other and laugh together.  I only cried a few times during the afternoon (Jason was SHOCKED to hear that it wasn't more than that!), but they were definitely tears of happiness.  I left Pat's house that evening feeling so loved and so celebrated.  

And it made my heart smile that my parents got to be there for the party.  They weren't able to come out for my bridal showers three years ago because of other commitments, so it meant the world to me to have them here for this.  I don't have any pictures from the baby shower yet (as the token male at the event, Dad was the designated photographer!), but I'm excited to share them with you once I do!

Speaking of pictures, I've been working on organizing mine from the last few months.  And I realized that I have a number of cute ones to share.  Enjoy!

Wine tasting in Sonoma- we had PERFECT weather in wine country

(From left: Quinn & me, Sarah, Andria, Pam, Jen, and my sister Adina)

I like to think that Quinn is giving his three cousins a hug!

How adorable is this baby?!?

While the other ladies tasted wine inside,

Quinn and I enjoyed the gorgeous breezes

outside...

...and celebrated the start of the Summer Olympics!

Watching this little man grin was the most

relaxing thing ever- doesn't it make your heart smile?

Of course, sometimes we just needed to take a nap together

when the festivities were too much for us!

Okay, maybe we napped a little bit more than I realized...  :)

(that's sparkling apple juice in the glass, not wine!)

And the belly continues to grow.  Jason keeps asking me how much bigger my tummy's going to get.  I don't really have a good answer for him- my usual answer is to find a picture of Octomom and imagine that I won't get that nearly that big.  :)  He can't stand it when I give him this answer as she freaks him out.  But since I'm a firm believer in "hope for the best, plan for the worst", it seems like a safe answer to give him...

25 weeks pregnant!

Jason and I celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary this past week!  It's been an amazingly wonderful three years of wedded bliss with this man.  I love that I can honestly say being married to Jason has been far more magical and fun than I could have ever wished for or dreamed of.  I still wake up every morning surprised that such a gentle, kind, loving spirit still wants to be my husband.  I love him so much!  I'm so blessed to be married to my best friend and we're so excited to welcome three little munchkins into this life we've created together.  Life is good...

August 14, 2009

The latest ultrasound

Had our growth ultrasound last Friday.  Mom and Dad came with me, so I had Jason sit this one out (the ultrasound rooms aren't big enough for both my belly and lots of people!).

The ultrasounds are actually becoming a little more physically difficult for me.  Up until now, they've had me lay flat on my back on the exam table for them.  But now, I really can't do that due to the weight of the babies and the uterus.  When I lay flat, they actually compress my inferior vena cava (one of the largest veins in your body) a little.  Doesn't sound too bad, but as I found out as my last ultrasound, this will make you feel faint and like you are about to vomit!  So now I have to have pillows to prop one of my hips and a leg up- I'm not sure about the etiquette on this one, but I just feel like it isn't polite to throw up on your ultrasound tech...

I was incredibly nervous for this ultrasound.  It's been two weeks since the last one- too long in my opinion!  I have to keep reminding myself that most pregnant women only get 1-3 ultrasounds during their entire pregnancy (I had that many in less than a month once we found out about the triplets).  Because of all the risks associated with carrying multiples, for both the babies and for me, I rely on the ultrasounds for reassurance that things are going okay.

He's trying to suck his thumb!!

At my last ultrasound, the doctor told me that she thought she was beginning to see a little "ballooning" in my cervix.  It's expected that at some time during this pregnancy, my cervix will begin to change- but I was NOT prepared for it to start changing that early.  The ballooning wasn't enough that she wanted to put me on bed rest or anything, but it was still a scary thing to hear.  And the doctor did tell me that sometimes the interpretation of the ultrasound can be subject to the opinion of the person reading the picture as well as the quality of the picture obtained, but I was still worried.  So I went in Friday dreading having to hear that my cervix had continued to change for the worse.

And to my absolute relief, we really heard nothing but positive things from the doctor!  Turns out my cervix hasn't changed and is still holding strong and tight!!!  Thank you, thank you, thank you to my cervix.  I'll have to get her a lovely present when this is all over!  :)

Check out Baby B's adorable profile!

The babies were kicking and moving around throughout the ultrasound.  Their heartbeats sound like beautiful music, and there is plenty of amniotic fluid for each of them to stay protected and safe in.  They are all growing too!  Baby A is the smallest at 1 pound 6 ounces, which puts him at the 30th percentile on the growth chart.  Baby B is weighing in at 1 pound 9 ounces, which puts him at the 60th percentile.  And Baby C is apparently a little piglet, weighing in at 1 pound 13 ounces (above the 90th percentile!!).

It might sound scary to hear about their growth disparities, but there are a few things that you have to remember.

1)  It is absolutely normal for multiples to have a disparity in weight while they are in the womb.
2)  Our future pediatrician (my longtime friend Pat!) has reassured me that the smaller ones will catch up with their brother after birth.
3)  It is actually just as important that they are "tracking" along the growth chart in a linear fashion, which our babes are definitely doing (For example:  Baby A has been the smallest all along, but he continues to gain weight just like his brothers).

So good news all around!  And the boys put on quite the show for their visitors (little performers already!).  We got to see one of the babes put a thumb in/by his mouth.  Jason's response to hearing about this?  "Oh no- think about the dental bills they're going to rack up!"  :)

All three babes lined up together in one picture

(we're looking at 3 heads- I think!)

On a tiny side note:  Sorry there aren't more ultrasound pics from this week.  The ultrasound tech printed out a huge number for me, but she seems to have a fetish for labeling genitalia.  And I have this strange aversion to posting pictures of my boys' businesses on the internet.  Therefore:  labelled genitalia + my aversion = very few pics to post!

And in a gesture that just brought tears to my eyes, we saw one of the babies reach his hands up and stroke the face of his brother.  Granted, they are doing this through the amniotic membranes that separate them (each of the babes is in his own "sac" and has his own placenta), but it is still so sweet to see.  We had previously learned that multiples will actually have these kinds of interactions with each other while still in the tummy, so I felt pretty darn lucky to get to bear witness to it.

I'm continuing to feel pretty good, but I can tell that my days at work are numbered.  I can tell that I walk slower and can physically do less to help my patients and to help out my coworkers.  I called my boss Friday afternoon to ask them to take me off of the schedule starting September 1st (they took the news very well!).  I'll be filling out paperwork this week to get things prepared for that from a human resources perspective, and I'm going to try to taper off my work shifts over the next three weeks before I'm officially taken off of the work schedule.  These next few weeks are super important in terms of keeping the babies growing and keeping Mama resting.

I'm really struggling with this decision.  Even now as I type this, I can feel the tears coming.  I love my job.  I absolutely love my job.  I've got amazing coworkers and patients, and I just love being in the kind of professional environment that supports my continued professional AND personal growth.  I was raised to understand the value of a hard day's work and I'm far more used to working than I am to not!  And while I am stopping work far sooner than I would have wanted, I am so grateful that I am getting to do this on my own terms (vs. having the decision made for me by the doctor putting me on mandatory bed rest!).

Jason's been incredibly patient with me in this respect.  I think he would have preferred that I quit working months ago and allowed myself to rest, but he understands how important it has been to me to still work.  He continues to hold my hand when I need it, and he continues to console me when I'm crying over leaving work.  I guess I need to look at this next step as being this-  I'm stepping away from my job as an oncology nurse for awhile and I'm stepping towards my new career as a mommy.  Sometimes it's all about helping yourself get a little perspective...  :)

Busy worker bees

A little history lesson for you all- years ago, my perinatologist started a multidisciplinary group of support services for moms of multiples to help them achieve healthier, safer pregnancies.  The FREE services include an exercise therapist, a dietician, massage therapy, lactation consultant... to name just a few!

I met with the exercise therapist for 90 minutes on Tuesday.  She was very impressed with my activity level and did tell me that I'm the most active triplet mommy she's ever met.  It was a little bit of a proud/weird moment for me when I heard that.  On the one hand, yeah for me still getting to be active!  On the other, it just seems natural to me to still be working full-time and still be going occasionally to the gym- is that not normal?  :)

I also met with the dietician on Wednesday.  I was worried that she'd tell me to cut back on the calories because honestly, I've been eating like a hog.  :)  But imagine our surprise when she told us that for a triplet  mommy, it's almost physically impossible to ingest enough calories every day.  Instead of telling me I need to eat less, she told me I need to eat more- MUCH more.  No more low-fat milk and eating my vegetables first.  Hello whole milk, butter and dips on everything, and eating the meat and carbs off of my plate before I touch my veggies.  Hello more frequent snacking and eating a last meal at 10pm at night.  

I've always been a bigger girl even prior to pregnancy, so it is a total mind shift for me to adopt this kind of thinking.  Basically my new dietician-recommended eating plan is this:  take whatever healthy eating habits you've ever been told and ignore them.  My focus is now on getting in as many calories daily as I can as they've found that for moms of multiples, higher caloric intake seems to correlate with a decreased incidence of premature labor.  Now this doesn't mean I'll be hitting up the McDonald's drive-thru for every meal, but it does mean I need to start really packing the food in.

My mom and dad are in town right now for a 5 day visit.  Believe me when I say that they've kept themselves BUSY!!!!  

I picked them up from the airport on Tuesday and since they haven't seen my belly in person for almost two months, let's just say they were quite shocked.  I didn't hear any expletives come out of their mouths, but I'm sure they were thinking them.  After all, the belly seems to grow on a daily basis- it's almost unreal.  My belly looks like my sister's did at the end of her pregnancy and I'm only 24 weeks along.  

24 weeks

Since they arrived in town, we've been working our butts off on getting the nursery ready.  It's been amazing to see the transitions happening in such a short amount of time!  We now have a room that actually looks like a real nursery!  Three cribs have been assembled, a new dresser from Ikea is ready to have its drawers filled, the closet has been painted and suitable shelving installed... there's even a cute rug on the floor now!!  My mother has washed, folded, and sorted enough baby clothes/blankets/towels/etc. in the last 48 hours to keep all three munchkins from going naked for the next year.  

Building the first crib with Jason, Mom, and Dad

Master carpenters at work

Giving the crib a test drive with the only

currently available baby in our house  :)

Assembling the dresser

Starting the laundry process

Yeah- my mom's a brave woman to tackle this task.

She's a tiny lady- we may have lost her a few times

in the sheer volume of donated clothes...  :)

And that's not all they've done.  Mom and Dad helped us make the living room furniture arrangement more aesthetically pleasing since we've transitioned so many things out of the old office.  Mom scrubbed (!!) one of my rugs from top to bottom.  Dad cleaned and organized our wine racks (probably the closest I've been to that thing in months!).  Mom and Dad cleaned up the patio and patio furniture for me since I can't handle being out in the heat at all.  Everywhere I turn there's another cupboard or shelf that Mom has thoughtfully organized and cleaned for me.  And Dad has given my coffee maker a thorough proper cleaning (who knew I was supposed to occasionally clean out the thing?).  

Scrubbing the rug in the driveway

Our munchkins each have places to lay down their sweet heads!

Hana and Coltrane helped out the cause by

staying out of the way as much as possible...

Time to start filling the shelves

First clothes in the dresser!

And they've been doing all of this while making sure that I stay off of my feet and rest.  It's been very hard for me to not jump in and help lift the cribs into place or carry boxes out to the car.  Even though in my mind I know it's for the best for the babies that I don't, it's still hard for me emotionally to not be helping more.  I am so blessed to have such giving parents that are so willing to be supportive of Jason, the munchkins, and me.  They totally should have disowned me during my teenage years...  but instead they just love me more.  As much as parents can frustrate their children sometimes (something I need to remember in the future!), I would not trade my parents for anything...

BIG last 24 hours!!

We hit 2 major (at least in our minds!) milestones in the previous 24 hours...


NUMBER 1:  Jason was finally able to feel one of the babies kick!!!!!!!!!!!  Poor thing- it seems like the boys have delighted in playing hide n' seek with him whenever he'd put a hand on my tummy.  They'd be moving/kicking like crazy and when Jason's hand came within a three foot radius of my tummy, they'd "mysteriously" settle down.  Obviously a conspiracy on the munchkins' part.  :)

Jason was much more calm about their antics than I was (readers are probably totally surprised by this statement).  I would talk to the boys and try to remind them that Jason's hand was going to be responsible someday for changing half of their diapers, so they might want to consider being more accommodating of letting him feel their movements.  Jason would remind me that he'd eventually get to feel them move, but I felt so selfish being the only one getting to experience them.

But last night at dinner with my parents, the munchkins were moving around like fiends.  And it happened!  Jason finally felt a kick!  I've been waiting so long for him to get to have that moment and the expression of excitement on his face is one that I've already tucked away in my "definitely to be remembered" mental files.


NUMBER 2:  I actually felt 3 distinct kicks/punches at the same time this morning.  People have been wanting to know if I could feel all three babies moving at the same time.  And up until this morning, I could only say "not really".  It usually feels like one baby will move/kick, and then another one will in response to the first.  Once again, this is only my hypothesis and it's still hard to tell exactly who's moving- I can usually only tell you the actual location of a movement (because the boys are packed in so snugly, a kick could technically be from any of them!).

But for whatever reason, I rolled over in bed from my right side to my left, and the babies went NUTS! For about 10-15 minutes, they were at what I would guess was some of their most active phases yet.  And I guess it could have been two babies just stretched out and moving multiple limbs at the same time, but I'm going to believe it was all three.  Momma's so proud of her boys!

Waiting...

It's almost 5 in the morning on my day off... I should be sleeping, but I can't seem to fall back asleep. :( This happens a lot nowadays- my bladder wakes me up multiple times during the night and at some point (usually if it's after 4am), my mind just won't let me fall back to sleep.  I guess insomnia is a common challenge in pregnancy.  I try to at least be semi-productive.  Most of the time I read, do research on the internet, eat, etc.  And sometimes a nice bubble bath with a few pieces of leftover pizza at 5 in the morning is just too irresistible.

But sometimes I just lay in bed worrying about the peanuts.  There are just so many unknowns about how the future is going to look for us as a family, and I just can't help but get worked up about it when I'm overtired and unable to sleep at 5 in the morning.  Once again, I'm going to blame my hormones for this!  One thing that helps calm me down is listening to Jason snoring- he sleeps so peacefully and it helps me to just focus on taking deep breaths, one at a time.

People keep telling me that of the people they know, I seem like the person that they feel can handle having multiples.  It always makes me pause a moment when I hear this.  On the one hand, apparently they are sensing my already thin grip with sensible reality and feel like I'll just be able to fit right in to the illogical craziness that three infants/toddlers/kids will bring- if you're already crazy, bring on some more crazy!  :)

But for most people, they verbalize that I'm up for the challenge.  As if somehow I'm capable of handling the responsibility with grace and some sense of composure.  They tell me that God never gives you more than you can handle.  And there are times where I actually believe them.  A majority of the time, I feel like I will be able to handle it.

But there are times where it literally paralyzes me, terrifies me... and brings me to tears to think about how much work this is going to take.  I worry that I'm not eating the right things, I worry about still working at my job and the effect on the babies, I worry about going on bed rest too soon.  I worry about what health problems these munchkins could have, and I worry about what I'm going to do when I'm so exhausted I can't distinguish day from night and I have three little babes that need me to be fully functional.  I worry that I won't be able to feed them properly.  I worry that something bad is going to happen.

I blame hormones for this.  And I blame reality.  I blame my stupid ovaries for giving us triplets.  I blame Jason for marrying me in the first place and thinking that I could be a suitable mother.  I blame God for having WAY too much unfounded faith in me.

Mostly I blame hormones.

Hormones are causing me to be a little more moody lately (please say a prayer for Jason- he gets to deal with the brunt of it).  Hormones are causing my gums to bleed and my pelvis to start loosening up (I can no longer stand up from a chair without taking a quick pause to let my hips "settle" before walking).  Hormones are causing me to deal with the joys of having a slowed down gastrointestinal system.  And hormones are causing me to be an emotional basket case at five in the morning.

I'm sorry that this isn't a more uplifting blog entry.  I'll be just fine again in a little bit- I promise!  But right now I'm just feeling the need to be honest in documenting both the exciting things (like my usual blog entries) and the maybe not-so-exciting-but-very-honest aspects (i.e. this blog entry) of triplets.

Maybe a picture of Jason will cheer us up since I can hear him snoring in the other room...  :)

Seriously- how cute is this man cuddling

on the couch with our puppy Hana?  I snapped

this picture after he'd folded laundry and made

us dinner...

I totally lucked out in the husband department.

We've got cribs now!

I had the day off, so I headed out early this morning with my good friends, Jen and Brandi (and Brandi's daughter Emma!), on a crib hunt.  We started at Ikea with a hearty breakfast (I ADORE Ikea breakfasts- if you've never had them, you're totally missing out!).  The ladies helped me consider my different options and weigh the merits of different crib styles at the different stores we went to.  At the end of the day and after multiple visits to different websites and trips to two different Targets, Jason and I are now the proud owners of 3 cribs and a large dresser that's going to be a dresser/changing table!!!!  

Emma and me with a picture of triplets at Ikea!

There were actually 4 babies in that picture, so we

had to improvise...

They will have to stay in their boxes until my parents arrive next week for their visit.  We've got to do a deep clean first in the nursery to prepare the room for the furniture.  But I'm going to give myself some major credit for getting this accomplished today.  Temps were in the high 90's and unfortunately I just can't physically handle the heat well at all.  There was a lot of running around town required to get everything done and I said many prayers of thanks for A/C in my car.  

I am so excited to set the cribs up and put sheets on the beds.  It's so amazing to think that we're going to have three little peanuts to put in there in a few months!  Today was just a huge emotional step for me in making the eventual outcome of this whole pregnancy seem more real.  If I needed tangible evidence that there will be three munchkins, then I definitely got that today.  Plus for those of you who have never bought three cribs at the same time before, take it from me that you get lots of strange/sympathetic looks from the employees that are helping you!

Nursery furniture!!!!!  3 cribs, a dresser, and a rug

thrown in for good measure

Lots of people have been asking if we couldn't just use one crib for all of the babes, especially since they'll be so tiny.  While we might be able to get away with that for a short time, they'll eventually get bigger (necessitating their own crib!) plus there is a higher risk of SIDS when multiples "co-bed".  

And for those of you keeping track, I didn't lift any of the heavy boxes myself.  :)  Gotta watch out for those babies!

Daddy's got this covered- I'll just take

pictures while he does the heavy lifting!